Home

Couldn't help it... gotta use the Buble version. It's been a week of orientation. It's been 3 weeks of being away. Three weeks of homesickness.

I got a chance to have dinner with my friend and we had a good heart to heart. She didn't sugarcoat it. This is going to be hard. Being transplanted into the region of the country where you're the only one of your kind is hard. Being away from everything that feels like home is hard. Knowing that you're being selfish is hard.

Some crazy stats: out of 99 students, I am the only Californian transplant. There are 31% women and 21% international students. I am the only woman of color that doesn't have an accent. I am 1 of 3 American-born Asians. Just the makeup of the class alone segregates me.

You don't have to play superwoman all the time. Sometimes you just need to cry. Sometimes you just need to cleanse the soul. And wherever you are, you deserve to have a place called home. 

I will try to make my place more home-like. Makeshift isn't working right now. I know that this isn't permanent, but it is for 2 years. However strong you are, you do need people and friends that understand what it's like to be in your situation or workload. This probably has been the hardest thing for me--I have great friends at home... I thought that I didn't need anyone but them... but they have their own lives and their own situations, and sometimes it is best to find people who can relate to you in an instant/superficial level than use your lifelines at home.

And it's okay to admit that you want to fold the hand that you've been given. Once you admit that, there's no place to go but up. 

This will get better. It has to.